Togetherness presents

The Wheel of Consent  Workshop

Change your life with the Art of Giving and Receiving

next dates

London: 17-18 September 2022

Totnes: 8-9 October 2022

Utrecht: 25-27 November 2022

Intro events 19 July, 6 September

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When we engage with others, whether it is a family member, friend, colleague or romantic partner – are we doing what they want us to do, or what they allow us to do?


What is the difference and why does it matter?

At this weekend workshop, we will learn the Wheel of Consent, a powerful tool to help us understand the unseen dynamics which guide the ways we relate to each other. 

We will learn to make clear agreements and get in touch with what we want and how to ask for it so we can create satisfying connections with ourselves, partners, family members and colleagues.

This workshop is about noticing and learning to choose.

It is about waking up our natural ability to notice what we do and don’t want. It’s about slowing right down and making really clear agreements that we can relax into.

We do this so that when we are giving we can be sure it’s something the other person wants to receive and that we are willing to give it, with a whole heart, without resentment or burnout. And that when we are receiving, we are sure it is something we want and that the other is willing to give, so that we can practice allowing the gift all the way in. Often there is more vulnerability in receiving what we want, than in giving. 

When we do this we learn to trust ourselves more and naturally we become more confident in our ability to choose. We stop tolerating things at work or in relationships and learn to trust and communicate our true desires and wishes. We open the door to more authentic and enriching connection.

  • Gain skills of empowerment and communication – noticing, valuing, and trusting desires, having the courage to ask for what we want, and feeling safe enough to receive 

  • Wake up our ability to feel and notice what we want 

  • Make choices – learning how to choose for ourselves

  • Understand the dynamics of Receiving and Giving and taking them apart 

  • Understand who is doing and who it is for – because they are different

The Wheel takes apart the unseen dynamics which guide and often confuse our interactions.

It does this so we can explore each relating style and understand each in turn. This equips us better for when we find ourselves in situations where we would naturally go into a people-pleasing mode, or end up tolerating or enduring something we don’t want.

Through an embodied exploration of the wheel, we develop permanent trait shifts which start showing benefits in all areas of our lives. It makes it easier to make clear agreements with colleagues, clients and bosses. It opens the door for more fulfilling relationships with our families. It impacts the way we show up in relationships and bring up our children. 

The impact that orienting towards what we really desire and away from what we do not, is huge.

The Wheel gives us the practices, framework and embodiment to do just that.

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The Wheel shows us four kinds of relating within clear agreements


for our own benefit – doing what we want – while respecting the giver’s boundaries


another to take from us – they do what they want with our permission – while maintaining our boundaries


another for their benefit – we do what they want – within our boundaries


the gift of another’s service – they do what we want – while maintaining their boundaries



Unless you take apart and experience each of these four aspects, it is impossible to know what they really are.


Understanding and embodying the Wheel of Consent happens best through a somatic experience – you have to feel it in your skin. Therefore, learning the Wheel happens through touch exercises.


Whilst there are opportunities for exchanging touch as part of the learning in this fully clothed workshop, this is 100% optional and it is not necessary to touch or be touched to learn from the session. 

Over 2 days we will

  • Learn what ‘Receiving’ and ‘Giving’ really are – and why knowing the difference is crucial for creating authentic connection and intimacy
  • Find out where we are clear (or not) in Receiving and Giving
  • Learn the framework of the Wheel of Consent® and the four Quadrants as a foundation for connection
  • Experience pleasure and sensation in your skin that you can access any time you choose
  • Access parts of yourself that have been hidden away that are ready to be seen, appreciated and healed
  • Gain skills to bring awareness to your hands so that all your touch is rich and satisfying
  • Become exquisitely aware of your desires and limits and how to communicate them
  • Practice Receiving, Giving and experiencing each of the four Quadrants

Who this is for

Couples & Individuals

  • Learn how to give and receive more satisfying touch

  • Deepen your connection & intimacy

  • Find more ease, confidence and sensuality in your relationships

Wellbeing Professionals

  • Get clearer on your personal and professional boundaries

  • Level up your consent skills

  • Embody the wheel and learn how to bring it to your clients and workshops

Entrepreneurs & Businesses

  • Improve your communications with colleagues, employees and customers

  • Create agreements that align to the needs of all parties




We run from 10 am - 6 pm on Saturday and Sunday. You are welcome to arrive from 9:30 am each day. In Holland, we add a Friday evening which is 7-10pm.

What to bring

Usual workshop stuff, a water bottle, clothes you are free to move in and a notebook and pen if you like to journal or take notes.

Food & Drink

Throughout the workshop, we provide teas, coffee, hot drinks and a selection of fruits and nibbles. For lunch you are welcome to bring your own or there are usually a number of places nearby where you can eat.

Past participants said

"It feels like the light has been switched on in a dark room. I suddenly feel I have the tools to be myself within relationships, and can enrich the relationships themselves by being more authentic"

- Ana-Georgeta Bolohoi, workshop participant

About your facilitator

Adam Wilder is a connection and boundaires coach, comedian, and founder of the Togetherness movement.

He is an experienced facilitator, trained counsellor and has studied multiple modalities including the Diamond Approach, Circling, Authentic Relating and clowning. 

Adam has a natural gift for using humor and his own authenticity to create warm and inviting spaces that support nourishing and transformative experiences for individuals, teams, and organisations.

Adam is a certified Wheel of Consent facilitator.

More on Adam at

Join our next workshop

London, UK: 17-18 September

Takes place in Islington, 10am - 6pm both days

17-18 Sep 2022

£249 Earlybird

Led by Adam Wilder

Book here

We offer a discount to all NHS staff and do not want anyone to be excluded from learning this valuable practice because of lack of funds.

Get in touch if you need a bursary or to take advantage of the NHS offer.

Totness, UK: 8-9 October

10am - 6pm both days

8 - 9 October 2022


Led by Adam Wilder with assistance from Mirach Duncan

Book here

Utrecht, NL: 25-27 November

7-10pm Friday 25th, 10am - 6pm 26-27 November

25 - 27 November 2022

€333 - €429

More details on BeTouched community website

Book here

Join an evening intro workshop

19 July & 6 September, London

This is designed as an introduction to the Wheel. On the evening we will:

  • Learn a technique to wake up our natural ability to feel sensation and experience pleasure in our hands
  • Play an enjoyable game we can use with friends and partners to explore the dynamics of giving and receiving
  • Look at a basic diagram of the wheel so we can start to understand the 4 quadrants and relational dynamics it shows us
  • Give you handouts about the wheel and the games to take away and enjoy
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This course has taught me to respect my boundaries and those of others. I also feel that I have been seen truly and deeply like I have never been seen before.


This course has taught me the importance of recognising feelings, accepting that I have choices and above all that I can just say no. I loved Adam’s facilitation and voice. I already notice that I am happier and less angry/resentful.


Working with Adam has helped me to dare to ask for what I want, and shown me I am not alone.

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Want to learn more? 

This workshop is based on Betty Martin's Wheel of Consent. It's all laid out beautifully in her new book The Art of Receiving and Giving

We recommend this book for those interested but unsure whether they want to attend a workshop and for those who have taken the workshop and want to continue learning.

This book is a great foundation for the work and takes you through exercises you can try with friends and partners.

Available from all good bookstores and Amazon.

Get the book