Boundaries & Desires
Master the art of giving and receiving and transform your relationships
Wheel of Consent Workshops with Adam Wilder
In this workshop, we learn about our boundaries and desires through the model of the Wheel of Consent, a powerful tool to help us understand the unseen dynamics which guide the ways we relate to each other.
We learn to make clear agreements and get in touch with what we want and how to ask for it so we can create satisfying connections with ourselves, partners, family members and colleagues.
"This workshop taught me how to experience integrity with myself and how to show up more respectfully in all my relationships, both personal and professional.
Adam clearly has a mastery of the concepts both intellectually and in an embodied way, which created a safe container for exploring deeply personal issues.
Highly recommended for anyone who wants to grow in their ability to love themselves and others."
- Becky M., Author, Entrepreneur
Have you ever found it hard to say no?
If you have, you are not alone.
When we can't say no, we can end up doing things we aren't willing to do and this can lead to self-blame or resenting the person who asked.
Over the workshop we discover all the reasons why it can be hard to say no.
We learn to discern between what we are and are not willing to do and explore a process & vocabulary for setting healthy boundaries which support our relationships.
Are you ever unsure about what you want?
Knowing what we want can feel tricky, especially when other people are involved.
Sometimes it feels easier (and less risky) to focus on what others want instead. Over time we can learn to diminish our needs and prioritise those of others.
In this workshop, we explore embodied practices which wake up our ability to notice and trust ourselves, so we become clearer about our own needs, wants and desires.
Have you ever accepted a gift you didn't want then pretended to like it?
Likely you did that to protect the feelings of the giver.
It's not just about physical gifts. In relationships we can do what we think the other wants and they might pretend to like it. Sometimes this goes on for years, with no one getting what they really want or need. This can be frustrating and lead to resentment.
In this workshop we learn to differentiate between what we want and who it's for so we can communicate clearly and with integrity.
This workshop is about noticing and learning to choose.
It's about waking up our natural ability to notice what we do and don’t want. It’s about slowing right down and making really clear agreements that we can relax into.
We do this so that when we are giving we can be sure it’s something the other person wants to receive and that we are willing to give it, with a whole heart, without resentment or burnout. And that when we are receiving, we are sure it is something we want and that the other is willing to give, so that we can practice allowing the gift all the way in.
Often there is more vulnerability in receiving what we want, than in giving.
When we do this we learn to trust ourselves more and naturally we become more confident in our ability to choose. We stop tolerating things at work or in relationships and learn to trust and communicate our true desires and wishes. We open the door to more authentic and enriching connection.
"It feels like the light has been switched on in a dark room. I suddenly feel I have the tools to be myself within relationships, and can enrich the relationships themselves by being more authentic"
- Ana-Georgeta Bolohoi, workshop participant
The Wheel takes apart the unseen dynamics which guide and often confuse our interactions.
It does this so we can explore each relating style and understand each in turn. This equips us better for when we find ourselves in situations where we would naturally go into a people-pleasing mode, or end up tolerating or enduring something we don’t want.
Through an embodied exploration of the wheel, we develop permanent trait shifts which start showing benefits in all areas of our lives. It makes it easier to make clear agreements with colleagues, clients and bosses. It opens the door for more fulfilling relationships with our families. It impacts the way we show up in relationships and bring up our children.
The Wheel gives us the practices, framework and embodiment to orient towards what we really desire and away from what we don't. This can have a huge impact on our lives.
The Wheel shows us four kinds of relating within clear agreements
Taking
for our own benefit – doing what we want – while respecting the giver’s boundaries
Allowing
another to take from us – they do what they want with our permission – while maintaining our boundaries
Serving
another for their benefit – we do what they want – within our boundaries
Accepting
the gift of another’s service – they do what we want – while maintaining their boundaries
Unless you take apart and experience each of these four aspects, it is impossible to know what they really are.
Understanding and embodying the Wheel of Consent happens best through a somatic experience – you have to feel it in your skin. Therefore, learning the Wheel happens through touch exercises.
Whilst there are opportunities for exchanging touch as part of the learning in this fully clothed workshop, this is 100% optional and it is not necessary to touch or be touched to learn from the session.
Over 2 days we will
-
Learn what ‘Receiving’ and ‘Giving’ really are – and why knowing the difference is crucial for creating authentic connection and intimacy
-
Find out where we are clear (or not) in Receiving and Giving
-
Learn the framework of the Wheel of Consent® and the four Quadrants as a foundation for connection
-
Experience pleasure and sensation in your skin that you can access any time you choose
-
Access parts of yourself that have been hidden away that are ready to be seen, appreciated and healed
-
Gain skills to bring awareness to your hands so that all your touch is rich and satisfying
-
Become exquisitely aware of your desires and limits and how to communicate them
-
Practice Receiving, Giving and experiencing each of the four Quadrants
"This weekend was empowering and transformative. It gave us space to explore our experiences without judgment and allowed me to see the idea of touch as a positive thing, not a frightening burden.
It showed me that I do not have to put up with things I do not like and it enabled me to feel connected to what I want with others.
Since the workshop, I feel more tactile in my friendships and it has also awoken my sensuality and craving for that level of intimacy in my life again."
- Becky Banks, Law Student
Who this is for
Individuals & Couples
- Develop personal boundaries and ability to choose
- Understand why it can be hard to say no or ask for what we want or need
- Discover new language to say yes, no and maybe to requests and offers
- Learn how to give and receive more satisfying touch
-
Deepen your connection & intimacy
-
Find more ease, confidence and sensuality in your relationships
Wellbeing Professionals
-
Get clearer on your personal and professional boundaries
-
Level up your consent skills
- Embody the wheel and learn how to bring it to your clients and workshops
Logistics
Timing
We run from 10 am - 6 pm on Saturday and Sunday. You are welcome to arrive from 9:30 am each day.
What to bring
Usual workshop stuff, a water bottle, clothes you are free to move in and a notebook and pen if you like to journal or take notes.
Food & Drink
Throughout the workshop, we provide teas, coffee, hot drinks and a selection of fruits and nibbles. For lunch you are welcome to bring your own or there are usually a number of places nearby where you can eat.
About your facilitator
Adam is a certified Wheel of Consent Facilitator approved by the School of Consent.
Adam Wilder’s dynamic and charismatic presence as host, comedian, facilitator, coach and social entrepreneur have been the inspiration for exceptional and unique ways of enhancing human connection over the last 20 years through his work with individuals, groups and audiences.
His magnetic presence, passion, power and humour have inspired thousands of individuals to transcend new frontiers within themselves. Adam’s ineffable warmth and playful state of being puts people immediately at ease, building inclusive communities whilst enhancing connection and cultural understanding. He invites us to grapple with thorny issues through the creative medium.
Adam founded the Togetherness movement in 2017 which has touched more than 20,000 people from across the world with a shared vision to serve, educate and personally develop and evolve through unique initiatives and workshops.
Adam is known for creating ‘Shhh Dating’, the world’s first speed dating experience based on non-verbal connection games; the House of Togetherness pop up venue in central London and hosting the largest ever mass-spooning circle with 1,447 spooners at Wilderness Festival.
Adam regularly delivers creative and culture-changing workshops to businesses and organisations. He is a trained counsellor, certified wheel of consent and circling facilitator and a massive advocate for playfulness and creativity.
More on Adam at AdamWilder.com
2023 Boundaries & Desires
Workshop Programme
These workshops are all based on the Wheel of Consent and aimed at individuals.
We have a separate suite of boundaries workshops designed specifically for the workplace. If you, your business, organisation or team could benefit, get in touch to find out more.
Workshops & Courses
Feb 11- 12, Boundaries & Desires: Wheel of Consent Weekend, Totnes
Mar 25 - 26, Boundaries & Desires: Wheel of Consent Weekend, London
Apr 14 - 16, Exploring Eros: Advanced Boundaries & Desires, London
Sep 23 - 24, Boundaries & Desires: Wheel of Consent Weekend, London
Dec 2 - 3, Boundaries & Desires: Wheel of Consent Weekend, London
Evening Intro Sessions
Feb 23, Boundaries Lab: Intro to Wheel of Consent, London
Sep 7, Boundaries Lab: Intro to Wheel of Consent, London
Boundaries & Desires
Wheel of Consent Weekend
Totnes 11-12 February 2023
£209
@ Angel Hall, Totnes
Pay in 3 instalments
Join as a couple for £350
Boundaries & Desires
Wheel of Consent Weekend
London 25-26 March 2023
£259
£229 Earlybird available now
@ Chandam Penthouse, London, SE8
Exploring Eros
Advanced Boundaries and Desires
'The Holy Grail of touch, desire and consent'
Learn to notice, trust and communicate your desires with confidence and grace
LONDON
14-16 April 2023
Registration open
Boundaries & Desires
Wheel of Consent Weekend
London 23-24 September 2023
£259
£229 Earlybird available now
@ Chandam Penthouse, London, SE8
Boundaries & Desires
Wheel of Consent Weekend
London 2-3 December 2023
£259
£229 Earlybird available now
@ Chandam Penthouse, London, SE8
Join an evening intro workshop
23 Feb & 7 Sep 2023
This is designed as an introduction to the Wheel. On the evening we will:
- Learn a technique to wake up our natural ability to feel sensation and experience pleasure in our hands
- Play an enjoyable game we can use with friends and partners to explore the dynamics of giving and receiving
- Look at a basic diagram of the wheel so we can start to understand the 4 quadrants and relational dynamics it shows us
- Give you handouts about the wheel and the games to take away and enjoy
Want to learn more?
This workshop is based on Betty Martin's Wheel of Consent. It's all laid out beautifully in her new book The Art of Receiving and Giving.
We recommend this book for those interested but unsure whether they want to attend a workshop and for those who have taken the workshop and want to continue learning.
This book is a great foundation for the work and takes you through exercises you can try with friends and partners.
Available from all good bookstores and Amazon.
Get the book
"I 100% recommend this workshop to others, it has revolutionised my world.
One of my major discoveries is how boundaries and desires relate to life more broadly. At work, I’ve started noticing when I 'tolerate' things rather than expressing my true wants/needs."
- Lisa W, Educator
